Family separation and conflict can sometimes affect the relationship between children and one or both parents. In some situations, children may become resistant, fearful, or unwilling to spend time with a parent due to a range of emotional, relational, safeguarding, or family factors.

Concerns sometimes described as “parental alienation” can be highly complex and emotionally difficult for children and families. Every situation is different and should be approached carefully, fairly, and with a focus on the child’s wellbeing, safety, and emotional needs.

This guide provides general information, support resources, and guidance for families experiencing high conflict, communication difficulties, or concerns about damaged parent-child relationships.

Understanding Family Relationship Difficulties

Children may become reluctant to spend time with a parent for many different reasons, including:

• Ongoing parental conflict
• Exposure to adult disputes
• Communication difficulties
• Emotional pressure or loyalty conflicts
• Safeguarding concerns
• Domestic abuse
• Trauma or anxiety
• Changes following separation
• Breakdown in trust or relationships
• Influence from adults or wider family members

It is important not to make assumptions without properly understanding the child’s experiences, emotional wellbeing, and family circumstances.

What Is Meant by “Parental Alienation”?

The term “parental alienation” is sometimes used to describe situations where:

• A child strongly rejects or resists a parent
• One parent may influence the child negatively against the other parent
• Family conflict affects the child’s relationship with a parent

Family courts and professionals increasingly recognise that:

• Children can be emotionally affected by ongoing adult conflict
• Harmful behaviours from adults may damage parent-child relationships
• False allegations and unsafe behaviour must both be carefully assessed
• Safeguarding and child welfare must always remain the priority

Not all situations involving rejected parents are the result of alienation. Some children may avoid a parent due to:

• Fear
• Trauma
• Unsafe experiences
• Poor parenting experiences
• Exposure to abuse or harmful behaviour

Every case requires careful assessment based on evidence, safeguarding, and the child’s best interests.

Impact on Children

High conflict family situations can affect children emotionally and psychologically.

Children may experience:

• Anxiety or stress
• Loyalty conflicts
• Confusion and emotional pressure
• Fear of upsetting one parent
• Emotional withdrawal
• Difficulty expressing feelings openly
• Low confidence or emotional distress

Children benefit most when:

• Adult conflict is reduced
• They feel emotionally safe
• They are not pressured to take sides
• Their voices are heard appropriately
• Relationships remain healthy and supportive where safe

Healthy Co-Parenting & Communication

Parents are encouraged to:

• Keep communication child-focused
• Avoid negative comments about the other parent
• Avoid involving children in adult disputes
• Support healthy relationships where safe
• Communicate calmly and respectfully
• Focus on long-term emotional wellbeing

Children should never:

• Carry messages between parents
• Be pressured to choose sides
• Hear hostile or abusive comments about either parent
• Feel responsible for adult conflict

Reducing conflict can significantly improve outcomes for children.

Safeguarding & Abuse Considerations

Concerns about Abuse, coercive control, safeguarding, or harmful behaviour must always be taken seriously.

Abuse may include:

• Physical violence
• Emotional abuse
• Coercive control
• Financial abuse
• Threats or intimidation
• Manipulation through children

No child or adult should be pressured into unsafe contact arrangements.

Safeguarding professionals and courts should carefully assess:

• Risks to children
• Emotional wellbeing
• Family dynamics
• Evidence and professional reports
• Child protection concerns

The safety and welfare of the child must always come first.

If there is immediate danger, call 999.

Family Court & CAFCASS

Where parents cannot agree arrangements, family court proceedings may occur.

The family court may consider:

• The child’s wishes and feelings
• Safeguarding concerns
• Emotional harm
• Communication between parents
• Professional assessments
• Child welfare and best interests

CAFCASS (Children and Family Court Advisory and Support Service) may:

• Speak with parents and children
• Assess safeguarding concerns
• Provide recommendations to the court
• Promote child-focused arrangements

The court’s primary concern is:

The welfare and best interests of the child.

Rebuilding Parent-Child Relationships

In some cases, rebuilding damaged family relationships may take time and support.

Families may benefit from:

• Family therapy
• Child counselling
• Parenting support
• Mediation services
• Emotional wellbeing support
• Conflict reduction work
• Structured communication support

Children should never feel emotionally pressured during this process.

Emotional Support for Parents

Family conflict and rejected relationships can affect:

• Mental health
• Stress levels
• Emotional wellbeing
• Parenting confidence
• Family stability

Seeking support can help parents:

• Communicate more effectively
• Manage emotions calmly
• Reduce conflict
• Focus on children’s needs
• Improve long-term family relationships

Support & Guidance Services

Family Support & Parenting Guidance

• https://www.papaorg.co.uk/
• Family Lives
• Relate UK
• NSPCC Parenting Support

Family Court & CAFCASS Information

• CAFCASS
• GOV.UK – Family Court Guidance
• Support Through Court

Mediation & Communication Support

• Family Mediation Council
• National Family Mediation

Mental Health & Emotional Wellbeing

• Mind UK
• Samaritans

Our Message

Family relationship difficulties can be emotionally challenging for children and parents alike. Every family situation is different and should be approached carefully, fairly, and with safeguarding and child wellbeing at the centre of decision making.

Children benefit most when adults reduce conflict, communicate respectfully, and focus on creating safe, stable, and emotionally supportive environments.

More information:

Understanding Parental Alienation

Information, Awareness & Child-Focused Guidance

Parental alienation is a term sometimes used to describe situations where a child becomes resistant, fearful, hostile, or unwilling to spend time with one parent, and where this may be influenced by the behaviour, attitudes, or actions of another parent or adult.

These situations can be highly complex and emotionally difficult for everyone involved, especially children. Concerns around alienation should always be approached carefully, fairly, and with safeguarding and child wellbeing as the priority.

What Can Alienation Look Like?

In some situations, a child may:

• Suddenly reject one parent without clear explanation
• Repeat adult language or accusations they may not fully understand
• Show intense anger or hostility towards one parent
• Refuse contact or communication
• Feel pressured to choose sides
• Become emotionally conflicted or anxious around family relationships

Alienation concerns may arise where one parent or adult:

• Repeatedly speaks negatively about the other parent
• Blames the other parent for family problems
• Interferes with communication or contact
• Encourages fear, distrust, or hostility
• Pressures the child to reject the other parent
• Involves children in adult disputes or legal matters
• Uses children to carry messages or information
• Rewards rejection or hostility towards the other parent

Children are emotionally vulnerable during conflict and may absorb the emotions, fears, or views of adults around them.

Important Safeguarding Considerations

It is important to understand that:

Not every child refusing contact is experiencing alienation.

Children may also resist contact because of:

• Domestic abuse
• Fear or trauma
• Neglect or harmful parenting
• Emotional or physical safety concerns
• Poor past experiences
• Mental health difficulties
• High conflict between adults

This is why safeguarding assessments and careful professional involvement are important.

Family courts and professionals should carefully examine:

• The child’s experiences
• Safeguarding concerns
• Evidence from both parents
• Emotional wellbeing
• Family dynamics
• Risk factors

The welfare and safety of the child must always come first.

Emotional Impact on Children

Children caught in ongoing conflict may experience:

• Anxiety and emotional stress
• Loyalty conflicts
• Fear of upsetting one parent
• Confusion or emotional pressure
• Loss of confidence
• Emotional withdrawal
• Difficulty trusting relationships

Children may feel they must “choose” one parent to avoid conflict or emotional consequences.

Long-term exposure to conflict can affect:

• Emotional wellbeing
• Mental health
• Relationships later in life
• Confidence and identity
• School and social development

Why Reducing Conflict Matters

Children benefit most when adults:

• Reduce hostility and conflict
• Avoid negative comments about each other
• Support safe relationships with both parents where appropriate
• Communicate respectfully
• Keep children away from legal or adult disputes
• Focus on emotional stability and reassurance

Children should never:

• Be asked to take sides
• Carry messages between parents
• Be pressured to reject a parent
• Hear repeated criticism about either parent
• Feel responsible for adult problems

Final Message

Children should never be placed in the middle of adult conflict. Family relationship difficulties require careful, balanced, and child-focused approaches that prioritise emotional wellbeing, safeguarding, and stability.

Reducing conflict, improving communication, and seeking support early can help families protect children and promote healthier long-term relationships.